What a Flight Attendant REALLY thinks...

Passenger: "Where's my seat, I'm in 24B?"

Flight Attendant: "Well... the rows in numerical order, in ascending order. And then letters are in alphabetical order and the posted placard has a picture of a window by A... So.. I am assuming your seat is somewhere in between rows 23 and 25? And somewhere between A and C... Just Guessing....."

Flight Attendant: "Would you like something to drink sir?"

Passenger with headphones on: "Huh?"

Flight Attendant: "WOULD YOU LIKE A DRINK SIR?"

Passenger finally takes his headphone off: "What?"

Flight Attendant: "I'm selling car insurances, would you like to purchase a policy? What do you think I am asking you, I'm standing here with a beverage cart and I just served the person seated beside you a drink?"

Passenger: "There is no space in the over bin above my row for my bag"

Flight Attendant: "Oh, so instead of placing it in the overhead bin in front or behind your row, let me go get my magical wand out of my luggage and make the bin above your row magically grow bigger, free of charge!!!"

Flight Attendant: "Would you like ice in your drink sir?"

Passenger: "Are they cold?"

Flight Attendant: "No sir, they have been sitting on the airplane all day long."

Passenger: "Oh, just two cubes than."

*Flight Attendant counts out exactly two pieces of ice and puts it in your drink and hands it to you. 

*Two drinks later, the passenger who wanted JUST two ice cubes pushes his call button wanting more ice.

Flight Attendant: "So the two ice cubes I counted out of the ice bucket just for you didn't satisfy you like you asked...?"

Passenger chugs his whole glass of coke:

Passenger: "Can, I have another glass of coke and another bag of peanuts?"

Flight Attendant: "Can't you see the other 158 passenger's on this flight who would like to have their FIRST drink and FIRST bag of peanuts?"

Before landing in Atlanta, GA 5 minutes late:

Passenger: "Mam, I have a connecting flight in 20 minutes to New York, where's my next gate at?"

Flight Attendant: "Do you realize there are over 500+ flights a day that leave out of Atlanta? And you expect me know know where all the flights gates are at?"

Passenger: "Can you call my gate and tell them to wait for me?'
Flight Attendant: "You do realize we are still 10,000 feet in the air? What would you like for me to use, my cell phone? And do you really think we are going to delay a flight with over 150+ passengers on it just because you booked your flight to close together to make your connecting flight?"


Passenger texting on his iPhone before take off:
Flight Attendant: "Sir, that should have been turned off already."
Passenger closes the screen.
Flight Attendant: "I said OFF sir"
Passenger: "I turned it off?"
Flight Attendant: "Sir, I have the SAME PHONE... That is NOT turned off... You need to push to top button down till the red OFF button lights up on your screen. If you do not know how to do this, I will be more than glad to assist you."
Passenger: "Well, it's in airplane mode."
Flight Attendant: "Oh. Airplane mode..? hmm- I have a webster dictionary in my purse, let me go get it and we will look up the word "OFF" and lets see if it has airplane mode as the definition."


During Boarding:
Passenger: "We booked our flight together and we are not seated by each other"
Flight Attendant: "This is an hour an 15 minute flight, if you can not be separated for more than a hour an 15 minutes I suggest that you go see some kind of therapist."


Passenger: "DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM???"
Flight Attendant: "Well Sir... If you don't know who you are, I sure don't know who you are... Your boarding pass should have your first and last name on it if you have forgotten."

Flight Attendant: "Your bag is way to big, we are going to have to check it"
Passenger: "Last time I checked my bag, you lost it. I will back it fit"
Flight Attendant: "First of all... *I* didn't lose shit... Second of all... If you weren't such a cheap o and try to cram everything you own into one small bag instead of checking it properly, we would NOT be having this conversation right now..."
Passenger: "Do I get a free drink because you checked my bag?"
Flight Attendant: "No... You do NOT get a free drink because you were dumb enough to bring a bag onboard that did not meet FAA regulations...."